A contentious divorce often ends up in the courtroom with a judge making all the decisions because the couple is unable to have clear and calm discussions to reach a settlement on their own. Fighting things out in a courtroom not only leaves you at a disadvantage because you have no control over the situation but also it costs more money and takes more time to finalize your divorce.

There is a better solution that can enable you to stay in control and avoid having a judge decide your future even if you both harbor a lot of anger and think you cannot possibly work together. Forbes explains mediation is the process by which a neutral third party facilitates discussions and negotiations between you and your spouse to reach a settlement in your divorce.

The heart of the problem

Anger is often a sign of miscommunication. It is a result of frustrations about the other person not listening to you or not understanding your point of view. Mediation can help diffuse the anger by allowing you to clearly communicate your thoughts, feelings and needs. In addition, the mediator brings a calm and neutral presence that is contagious. This atmosphere allows you to approach the situation without the hostility.

A helping hand

The mediator can draw attention to the main concerns of each party without taking sides. By presenting this neutral look at the other person’s feelings, it can allow you to let go of the emotions and really listen to what he or she is saying.

The mediator will ask questions that draw out explanations and get you both talking. If communication stalls because one of you is not good at explaining yourself or refuses to discuss things, the mediator has training that will allow him or her to get the conversation moving again. He or she can put you at ease and make you feel more open to talking.